The Wiese Foundation has created the series “Families, safe spaces” for the purpose of providing parents with the tools necessary to establish a positive environment for raising their children, based on unconditional love. In the fifth episode of the series, it talks about how to establish a good practice of listening to our children during the phase of returning to in-person classes.
Listening to our children with empathy
In the context of the return to in-person classes, children and adolescents will have a lot to tell their parents. There will be cases where students are stepping foot in the classroom for the first time and will have a lot to share about their teachers and new classmates; and on the other hand, there will be students who are reincorporated into their classrooms after two years of staying at home, who will want to return to see their friends and teachers after a long wait.
This is a precious moment for children; it is important to accompany and be there for them. If we cannot share a positive space with them, emotional gaps will form. The contact between parents and children requires time, which builds connection, which in turn nurtures positive mental health, which nurtures resilience.
In other words, being present means being there for our children and taking a break from other things we are doing, prioritizing active listening, and providing space to initiate conversations and even ask them if they have any concerns.
In order to listen to our children, it is necessary to have the time and be willing to do it. Good listening, according to Edith Tover, is done will the whole body, putting us at our children’s height, sitting with them, giving them our full attention, and without interruptions while we are with them.
Putting listening into practice involves also allowing our children to speak, express themselves, and tell us what they feel without being judged. Furthermore, we should avoid making negative comments when we disagree, since this could break the trust that they have in us. In the case that something worries us, we should ask them about it afterward, without interrupting. And if there are fears or concerns, we should seek help from the school.
How to help introverted children and adolescents
Not all children and adolescents communicate in the same way. Some are less communicative than others. In this case, we can practice different strategies to open up communication, such as:
- Inviting them to draw.
- Playing with them.
- Asking each family member how their day has gone and encouraging them to share their experiences.
With respect to adolescents, we should remember that they are not always very communicative, since they are in the middle of constructing their identity. Therefore, it is important that we not ask questions incisively, since this won’t promote communication; on the contrary, to motivate them, we should show interest in their things.
An additional piece of advice form Edith Tover is to initiate communication with children and adolescents with something positive about them, to motivate them to talk to us. Furthermore, it is important to be patient, wise, and not overwhelm them with questions.
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